I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
