I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
