I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
