The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
