First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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