Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize