Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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