sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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