Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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