Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
