I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
