I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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