I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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