it hurts more in the daytime
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
