I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Michael Bay diarrhea
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize