just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
