why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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