I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
