Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
