Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
