Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
