Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
