JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
