I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
