Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
