True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
