Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
As shirtless as possible
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
