That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
