she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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