there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
