Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
