i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
