Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize