this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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