in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
