Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
