I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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