16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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