Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize