I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
