i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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