As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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