I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize