No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
