that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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