what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
