is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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