they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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