My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
