Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
