Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
