It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm really busy with my period
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