nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
