There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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