So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
