Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
