i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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