I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
