So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
