Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
