Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
