We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
