i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
