No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
