I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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