You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
