its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize