; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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