Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
