My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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